My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
