she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
