Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
