Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
