we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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