Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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