You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
