I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
