i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
