I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
