Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
