Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
