and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
