can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
