our cab driver is having phone sex.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
