Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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