I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
