Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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