The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
