I'm gonna have a badass scar
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
