The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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