I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
