I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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