You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
