I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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