My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
