It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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