I cannot find my penis.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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