That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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