Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
