And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
