my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
