Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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