It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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