Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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