I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
