I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
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No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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