You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
