I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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