right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
