You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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