conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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