he thought i was a dude.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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