I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
my poor anus
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
