Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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