I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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