dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
