it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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