oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize