I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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