I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
