Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
