Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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