I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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