its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So many bounce houses so little time
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
