Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
