My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
