I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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