I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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