I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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