Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
