So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
FUCK WHALES
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
