Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
