so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
