So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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