what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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