It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
