Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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