Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
