My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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