we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
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I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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