Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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