You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
