I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I will be naked everywhere
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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