Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
