It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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